Sunday, December 27, 2015

Flustered.


My mind has been all over the place that I can't seem to remember that this blog exists. I've been writing in my journal, which I have invested for venting out my emotions and feelings, when I find the time to. It keeps me sane and together, which I honestly would've never thought it would, but it does when no one has the time to listen. I know that this may seem like it would be a good idea for me to go to a psychiatrist or a psychologist to see what's going on in my head, but I don't think I have the need to since it comes and goes. For a time, I thought that I would need it, but a friend made me see a different side to how I was feeling. Everything leads down to school, of course. Now that the semester is over, my anxiety continues to take over. I'm actually trying really hard to think positive. After all, positive thoughts bring better outcomes. Just the other day, I ended up crying out of nowhere, because I was just worried. I even almost cried at a family friend's party. Both of my parents try to make me feel better by keeping their minds positive and believing in me, which keeps me a little calm. It's definitely hard. I had a bad dream about receiving a grade in one class that I woke up in panic. It could be from worrying way too much about it. It hasn't been the best semester and I wish it was a good semester. I just have to believe in myself as much as my parents believe in me. My insecurities and paranoia may get in the way though. I just have to try to block it. I was just thinking that, this year isn't really my year. 2015 did not go as well as I thought it would go from the beginning. So, let's just hope 2016 and the next semester will go very well and the key is to believe... OH MY GOSH. I've just realized that this was a sign from when I did an escape room with my friends. One of the clues was spelling out "believe." Mind blown! I'm actually really tired right now and probably delirious since it's 2 something in the morning and I have to be up in about a little less than 6 hours. There has been many signs appearing in front of me lately, and I am going to take my chances and follow them, because that may lead me to where I want to be. Wow, I am getting deep. Anyway, until the next time I remember or have something to blog about, type you later. Hopefully, I will get my life together soon.




Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Unbalanced Moods.

Image via Pinterest.
Hi there. So, as a woman, my moods fluctuate quite a lot. I've been feeling angry, happy, and sad within a certain period of time. Just last week, I had a stage of depression and I just was miserable. On Sunday and Monday, I felt useless and very anxious that I was crying while I was studying for an exam. And now, I feel content, still anxious, but content. This morning, I snapped at someone because I was just getting annoyed and I'm assuming that said person thought I would let them push me around. I'm human and I have my limitations. I usually let things go, but it was reaching up to a point that I had to literally give them the finger and curse. Yeah, I did that today. I might have surprised people, but hey, I can't hold back forever. Another person knew that I was stressing out and I wasn't in the mood, after all, I had two exams today and they knew about it. The thing that ticked me off was that said person wanted me to tell them what was on the exam that I was able to take early. I obviously couldn't, because it would not be fair for anyone. That said person knows that I'm too nice (which has its pros and cons) and they thought that I would cave in easily. I'm sorry, but how would that benefit me? I wouldn't feel good about it from beginning to the end. I honestly would be happy if this person stops talking to me. They are a distraction to my studies. Plus, I don't really like them. Moving on, other than getting annoyed and building up anger, I'm okay now. For a few days, I was feeling sadness, and then I was feeling happiness. I'm trying to figure out why this happens, but it's totally normal because I've actually spoke about it with my mom and friend and they sometimes feel the same things. It could just be hormones too. So, these moods are just female things I guess.






Sunday, October 18, 2015

We Meet Again.

So, we meet again through a blog post. I haven't been blogging lately, because I just didn't feel like it. As always, school got in the way. Anyway, let's get on with the topic of discussion. 
For a long time, probably since I was in elementary school as a 10 year old, I had never felt like I belong anywhere. Yeah, I had a lot friends, but I just felt like I didn't quite fit anywhere at all. I would have these negative thoughts run through my mind most the of time. Just sad, depressing thoughts, specifically suicidal, and I had and still have no idea why I have these thoughts. After leaving elementary school, I headed to a middle school that most of my elementary school friends ended up not going to. That meant that I could start over, and that I did. I was the same person, but I tried to be more positive, and more outgoing than I already was. For a while I blocked those negative thoughts out and just tried to live happily. Those thoughts stayed out of my mind throughout middle school and also my first year of high school. I was known as an extroverted girl with many friends that didn't really care if I was crazy or weird. I would hide my negativity behind positivity and claimed that I love life. That wasn't what I've always felt. I hated my life, in general. I would cry a lot and many people would say that I would cry about every little thing. Truth is, I hid the real reason. I would get paranoid with people around me. I would get paranoid about whether they're talking bad about me or laughing about me. I would get paranoid that people just didn't like me. 
I would often get a vibe from people that they didn't want to talk to me or try to talk to me or try to be my friend when I became a sophomore in high school, after all, I moved to a different state and different environment the summer before starting sophomore year. I then became an introvert from feeling this way about people. I suddenly wasn't open to trusting anyone. My aunt would try to get these ideas in my head as a child that you can't trust anyone at all and I started to believe that. I didn't like talking about my feelings. I didn't like showing that I wanted to breakdown. I would bottle everything up and act tough. I also became socially awkward and that is the reason why I avoid socializing. I just stay quiet when I'm around people that I don't know. I don't have a problem talking to people, but I just choose to talk to certain people that don't seem as intimidating to me. I usually sit back and observe. 
I once was messaging a friend about something and he called me a wallflower, just like how Patrick tells everyone at a party that Charlie is a wallflower in the novel, The Perks of Being a Wallflower (aka my favorite book), because he observes, listens, and understands. I know that I may sound like a nerd by referencing my favorite book, but hey, that's where the idea might have came from. I observe. I listen. Though, I'm not sure if I understand. I usually read people and I can tell what type of person they are, but I still don't understand them. Instead, I just understand what's going on, like if they're willing to speak to me or not.
Moving on, I started to feel this emptiness for a while, even when I transitioned into college. Just the other day, I was feeling depressed and those dark thoughts started to come back. I wanted to cry the whole day, but I just couldn't at school. Everyone would've freaked out and probably think that I'm a freak for randomly crying. I started tearing up while driving when I was almost home, but I held it back. Once I got home, I just burst into tears. I just felt that I've lost control of everything in my life. I felt that my life has gone downhill. I was having suicidal thoughts again. I even tweeted about not existing anymore thinking that no one will care anyway, but I was wrong. My best friend saw it and reach out to me and I got better when she told me that she is willing to listen, or in this case, read about what was going on. Some of my reasons included school and friends, just small things that people don't normally cry about. My mind thinks of the worst things all the time, but I know that there are people out there that do care about me and I should just go on with my life.
I know this post is pretty dark and depressing, but I thought that maybe it was time for me to share something that I've been hiding for years.






Tuesday, September 1, 2015

What's Going On?!

Image via Google.


Hey, hi, hello. I know that I've said that I will post more often on this blog, but I either have nothing to post about or I've been busy being lazy after two months of summer classes. Tomorrow will be the first day of classes and I'm freaking out because summer flew by. In the sense of the school year, summer is over, but scientifically, it's not. My mind has been all over the place lately and I honestly don't know what's going on. I can't really think straight. Even my grammar has been all over the place. Although I'm not ready to go back to school, maybe my mind is. Or maybe I just need more sleep. I do get the full 7-9 hours, but it feels like it is not enough. I just want to rest. I know I shouldn't complain, because I'm not out in the real world yet where I am on my own, but I just want to take up as much laziness that I can get before I head my way into the real world. I also want to have fun while I can. That is one thing on my mind. Another would get into the deep stuff that I don't really want to share to the Internet, but it is something that makes me feel small and alone. That's how deep and dark my mind has gone to. I am okay though, because I just let my emotions out and I suddenly feel fine. Here is where thinking positive comes in. Positivity works it's way in to fight the negativity that is running through my mind. I am sill unsure of what's going on my mind, but sure, I'll find it.





Monday, June 22, 2015

Where Are You Summer? Where Can I Find You?

Hey, Hi, Hello! Just a little update of what has been going on. I just finished the first session of summer classes and it feels great. I now have to worry about the second session.  I'm on a small, three day break from my classes right now and I'm just catching up on some things. It seems like the more I do school work, the more I get lazy. Or it's just that I'm working too hard that I want to be lazy. Either way, I just want a nice break. The reason why I'm taking two summer sessions is so I would have a nice summer vacation next year. My plan is to get everything out of the way so that I can finish all of my schooling on time. Anyway, with school in the way of me actually doing nothing, I try my best to make some free time for myself. So, I set up schedules to submit things before the due date and make sure that I am free on the weekends. Everyone knows that a Thursday is a "college Friday," and that's what I try to keep in mind when I do my school work. I try to keep my Fridays free so that I can enjoy relaxing and doing what I want, so that summer will feel like summer. I also try to keep my Wednesday schedule to a minimum amount of work, because Wednesdays are the days where I spend the whole day with my mom and I won't have time to do a lot of work. I'm just counting down the days until I'm free from these summer classes, which will be the last week of July. It seems long, but it actually goes by fast. Making a schedule definitely helps lower stress levels and increase happiness. 

Aside from summer classes, let me tell you about the non-school related things that I've done. I did the usual: hang out with my cousins and friends, grab a bit to eat, go shopping, and catch up on shows through Netflix. I've just planned out everything for the next few weeks and I hope it goes s'well and that I don't breakdown.

True Food Kitchen

Avocado and Kale Dip

Cucumber Refresher

Spaghetti Squash

Hirshhorn Museum



Forty Carrots @ Bloomingdales: Regular plain frozen yogurt.

Morgenstern's: Salted pretzel caramel ice cream.

Hot N' Juicy: 2lb. crawfish and sweet potato fries.


The Melt Shop: Fried chicken sandwich and Nutella milk shake.
Bakeshop: Vanilla Macwich.









Friday, June 12, 2015

It's Complete!

Hey there! As you can tell from the title, my blog is complete, and I'm satisfied. I was and still am a little rusty with HTML and CSS codes, because well, I stopped using Myspace a long time ago. It took me a little while to get my blog the way I wanted it to be. I tend to be a perfectionist when it comes to designing things.  I had to make sure everything was centered and just right. Anywho, this is just a small post to say that I'm done and happy with the changes I've made.







Thursday, June 11, 2015

Under Construction.

I've decided to change up this blog. Just giving it a new look. I know I haven't posted much lately and I told myself that I should, but I didn't think online classes would take up most of my day. I actually finished my school work early and here I am up at 2:19 AM fixing up this blog. Why change the look of my blog? Well, my style has matured up a bit and I thought it was time for a change. It's pretty much complete, but I may change it some more. As of right now, it is still under construction. I will post an update of what I've done so far during this summer when I get a chance. Anyway, I should go to sleep.







Friday, May 8, 2015

I'm Still Trying to Understand.

Image via WeHeartIt

This is, I guess, another personal post. It's just me expressing my mind. I can save this as a draft and keep it to myself, but this is not dramatic and negative and somewhat offensive. Usually when people are angry and they express their minds, they do get aggressive with words and that's just what human beings do. I admit that I have posted blog posts that are like that and I've come to realization that this is the internet and it may appear unprofessional. So, I've made them private for myself by saving them as drafts and avoid them being published. During those times, I had to vent because if you're like me and you just don't have anyone around you that you feel comfortable to speak about things that bother you, then you would have to write it down or type it out. And here I am again, typing out my feelings and thoughts. The other day, actually just yesterday, I found myself feeling annoyed and out of place. I've already told my mom and best friend about it yesterday because they just help me understand what I deal with. So, there's a colleague that pretty much gives me the cold shoulder for no reason. Like, I just get this vibe from her that she does not like me at all and to be honest, I've been nothing but nice to her. Even from day one when I met her last school year, I was being kind and friendly because why not make a new friend. I've noticed and felt this after a few days of being around her since my friend and I always hang out during a small break after class. My friend and I invited her to join us during our break and so she was usually with us. She would rather talk to that one friend more than me, and so, I just sit there in silence because she does not make any eye contact with me whatsoever, only occasionally. Then when this school year started, I did not have any classes with her during the fall semester and that was fine with me. When the spring semester began, I ended up being in one class with her, but I made and had friends in that class anyway. She still gave me the same vibe. The thing with her is that she is willing to talk to me, but she still doesn't want to talk to me. Yesterday pushed me a little further. Usually for the class, my group of friends and I would check with each other if we have the same answers for the homework and yesterday during the class's review session, she just went around me and asked my other two friends when she could've asked me since I was nearer. It's funny because she didn't ignore me at all on the day of our midterm exam. After the review, we all decided to get lunch together and when she had to leave, she said goodbye to everyone by saying bye and hugging everyone, but completely ignored me. She acted like I wasn't there. Obviously, she doesn't want to be my friend because she does act like snob towards me. I'm okay with that, because I really don't need a person like that in my life and making me feel like I've done something wrong. She is prejudice towards me and that's wrong. I've seen a pattern that she seems to only make friends with those who appear like they party or they're rich. My style is comfortable and edgy and maybe that could be another reason. I understand that I may have different interests than her, but it gives her no reason to be like that. This just makes me not understand people at all. Why are people like this? It's not high school anymore, you can't be seen as the "popular" person in college/university. I have gotten this vibe in high school (the one I moved to during sophomore year) and now I'm getting in college? Seriously? What happened to being mature adults? It's just plain wrong. Poor judgment just makes a person look bad.






Saturday, May 2, 2015

Days Away.

Hey there, the semester is almost over and I am closer to being a little less stressed. It's been a while since I last post something, so here I am. I'd like to start off by saying that this semester went by very fast and I'm glad that it did. It brings me closer to my future and career path. The only thing that I need to do to get through the remaining days is thinking positive and working hard. I get a few days off after exams, but then I have summer courses to take. The thing that's good about these summer courses is that I don't have to be physically in class for them. That's right, I'm taking online classes. I've heard mixed things about online classes, but I rather have time for other activites in the summer, especially in the summer. My plan is to finish as much as I can, in terms of courses, so that I can relax and be a regular young adult. Lazy and enjoying life. Just kidding. I would still need things to keep me occupied. But getting to relax is probably the best thing ever. I mean, I do relax from time to time, but I would like a longer time frame for that. As cliché as this sounds, hard work pays off and I believe that. Patience is the key to all of this, and I admit that I'm not the most patient person, but I have to let that sink in. I like to let things happen on its own. I know that certain thing happen by force, but I don't want to mess with the ways of life. Wow. This post is getting technical with beliefs. Anyway, I'm just days away from having a life outside of being a full time student and I'm counting down.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Endless Eating Adventure.

Over the weekend, my cousin, Jane, came to visit since it was the last few days of her spring break. We both went on a food tour type of thing. When Jane arrived, we went to SoHo for a bit and decided to go to The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf for the first time, and I just have to say that I am in LOVE. I got a hazelnut ice blended and it is not the typical frozen coffee drink that you would get at Starbucks. It's happiness in a cup. On Friday, we went to East Village and to several places. I got really full, meanwhile, Jane continued to order more food. We decided to get lunch at a Japanese ramen restaurant called Ippudo. It was a 30 minute wait for the two of us, so we walked around. Then, we decided to get smoothies at Liquiteria, which is a juicery shop. We walked around Union Square Park since we had some time left. After, we walked back to the restaurant and got our seats. The ramen is really good, it was definitely authentic Japanese ramen. When we finished, we walked over to the Big Gay Ice Cream Shop. I got the classic, infamous Salty Pimp, which is a vanilla soft serve with salted caramel dipped in chocolate on a cake cone. It's pretty awesome, but the person who made mine put a little too much salt. The next place that we went to is a ice shavery place called Snowdays. Jane and I decided to share it because the portion for a regular is too much. We got a flavor called yeti tracks, which is basically cookies n' creme, with condensed milk drizzle and fruity pebbles. The spoons are cool, pun intended, because they turned blue when it touches cold temperatures. The next place that we ordered food at is Artichoke pizza. I didn't buy a slice because I was way too full and exhausted. Then, we went to Baohaus, which is an American twist to a Taiwanese/Chinese bao, a sweet steamed bun with meat and/or vegetable. On Saturday, we went to the Upper East Side and went to Alice's Tea Cup for lunch and afternoon tea. It was a 45 minute wait, but it was worth it because I definitely felt like a little girl again having a tea party. We got The Mad Hatter, which is an afternoon tea special with a three-tiered stand with our options of 3 scones, 2 sandwiches, and a dessert with assorted cookies and two options of tea. Taking a break from eating, we decided to walk it off by going to the MoMA (Museum of Modern Art). We actually stayed until closing. We then walked around Central Park and then went to Sprinkled Cupcakes and got the Sprinkles Sundae. To be honest, it was too sweet for me because of the frosting and the ice cream combined, but it was still good. I know I'm a couple of days late with posting this, but hey, I've been busy. I can't wait to try more things, because the eating adventure will not rest.





















Thursday, March 5, 2015

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses.

Hello, long time no blog? I admit that I've been a terrible blogger lately. My excuses are still the same. I've been busy with school, and I've been busy with life in general. The main reason why I started this blog is to share certain things in my life with the internet. Of course I don't include every single thing in my life, but this is like my public diary. As more of an introvert than an extrovert, I do not normally share things with people in person. So, my original intentions were to blog what's on my mind. However, most of the blog posts that I have posted already, as you know, are about my adventures and a little bit of everything else. From fashion to beauty to my life, I want to include a diversity of things on this blog, but I have been failing lately. As a full time student, I hope you understand that I will blog when I am able to, unless something comes up and I have to post something. Anyway, I'm going to update you with what has been going on recently. It has been about a month into the spring semester and I am tired. Not so tired of school, but tired of going to school during the winter. I am not the biggest fan of snow, wind, and below freezing temperatures. There are advantages of snow, which are school delays and snow days. Like today, I have a snow day because winter just keeps coming. Though I am saying that I'm more tired of going to school in the winter, I will eventually say that I am tired of school at a point some time during the semester. I will start complaining most likely in the middle towards the end, but saying that I'm tired won't stop me. After all, saying something is completely different from actually doing something. As of now, I will try my best to post more often. Hopefully I will blog again some time soon!

Image via Pinterest.





Friday, February 6, 2015

Makeup Routine.


Hey everyone! I've decided to tell you my everyday "no makeup" makeup routine. I try to make my makeup look natural on my casual days, like school days and just regular days out. Most products that I use are drugstore makeup products. I tend to not wear makeup on really good skin days, or lazy days. So, high-end makeup brands are not necessary for me. Before I apply my makeup, I put on Clinque's Moisture Surge: Extended Thirst Relief because my skin does get dry, especially in the winter. For my face, I use Revlon's PhotoReady Concealer (I don't usually use this concealer, but because the drugstore did not have my shade for Almay's Clear Complexion Concealer [which is my holy grail concealer] the day that I went to buy more, I bought this instead), Rimmel London's Stay Matte Pressed Powder, and Topshop's Bronzer. I don't use foundation because I don't like the feeling on my face, and I honestly feel like I don't need it. For my eyes, I just use Maybelline's Volume Express Mega Plush Mascara. For my eyebrows, I use Milani's Brow Shaping Clear Gel. Lastly, for lips, I use Maybelline's Baby Lips Electro. In addition, since I had some free time today, I thought, "hey, why don't I just make a video about my makeup routine," and I did! In in the video, I show you how I do my makeup and what makeup products I use. Also, in the video it seems like I put on a lot of concealer, but my skin hasn't been that great lately and I still have some spots. Anyway, hope you enjoy!






Thursday, January 22, 2015

Keep Up With Me.

Break, the time to be lazy as heck and do whatever you'd like to do without anything to worry about. Basically, I am describing my break. I am a college (university) student and winter break is a little over a month long. The beginning of break was fun for a bit, then I just became bored and tired. I just need to catch you up with what I have been doing during my break instead of typing up a blog post. Once finals were over, I went Christmas shopping. Yeah, the last minute Christmas shopping. I usually get my shopping done early, but it has been a very stressful semester and I didn't have time because I had to do projects and essays, oh yeah, and studying. Then when I was completely finished, I tried to catch up on all of the YouTube videos that I missed and catch up on some TV shows. It was a lot to do. I also went to the Rockefeller Tree and the big ornaments located at the Avenue of the Americas to take some pictures. Then when my dad's break began, we travelled to Virginia to celebrate the holiday. We did the usual, nothing that exciting. I also got to hang out with a very good friend of mine from high school when I was in Virginia. I got to eat and try different foods during the time that I wast there, like &Pizza, which is a pizza bar where you get to pick and choose your toppings, almost like Chipotle. I also went to the country's capital (Washington, D.C.) for a little bit because my distant cousins' grandpa was visiting and we showed him around and took pictures. On New Year's Eve, I got to wear a flashback outfit. It included a scrunchy, a velvet shirt, and high-waisted jeans (which you can find a photo of the outfit on my Instagram: @sandylepear). When my dad's break was over, we went back to New York. I have been staying and waking up late for the past few weeks. I need to cut that habit since the Spring Semester is approaching. Anyway, that sums up my break!



Croque Monsieur from Deluxe Cafe.

&Pizza pizza.

Bottled butter beer from Lolli and Pops.

A banh mi (Vietnamese sandwich) taco and regular banh mi from Phowheels, a foodtruck.



British Christmas cracker.

My corny joke.

My prize.

My paper crown.

Lincoln Memorial.

The Washington Monument.






Thursday, January 15, 2015

Get To Know Me!

I am back on Youtube. Well, back making videos for Youtube that is. I finally did a proper introduction video by doing the "Get To Know Me Tag" for my channel and this blog. I hope you enjoy it and learned more about me!









Thursday, January 1, 2015

2014 Recap.

Hello everyone! I am only a day late for posting this. I'd like to do a quick, small recap post about 2014. A lot of things happened to me in 2014, good things, but then there were some bad things. I can tell you that the majority of them were good. Firstly, Fall Out Boy and Paramore announced Monumentour and I got to see them perform. The next thing was that Panic! At The Disco announced The Gospel Tour and I got to see them as well. I have waited about 9 years to see my top favorite bands and the wait was worth it. And then, my obsession of 5 Seconds of Summer grew and I got to see them in person by doing something that I have never thought of doing. I got to travel to Florida and go to Universal Studios in Orlando in the summer. It was really fun. There were times that I got negative minded due to personal reasons, things that annoyed me, and stress from school. That sort of broke my resolution. So for the new year, I am going to make it up and try to think positive a lot more. Well, that pretty much sums up my 2014! I hope 2015 will be so much better. 










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