I'm Ready.

So let's reflect back to 2016 when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I went to counseling offered at my college and it helped, but it wasn't enough for me. I felt like I was having a hard time coping with things and as much as I opened up to a professional, it felt like I couldn't be helped. I felt that I needed something more, and that was taking medication. And as a lot of people may know, I'm a huge supporter of mental health awareness just because not a lot of people understand it. Not a lot of people know that I take medication as a method to help me. It's definitely something I try to avoid talking about because of the stigma that something is actually really wrong with you if you take prescription medication. Growing up in a household where mental health illnesses are fictional concepts, it was hard to get my parents to accept me needing the medication. I'm constantly told "everyone goes through it and you'll get by it," but I wasn't going through the same things as people who produce enough serotonin in their brains. I felt that I didn't belong, that I was alone every damn day and I felt like no one understood that. Every problem that I encounter would run through my head for what feels like forever, and it was exhausting. I would have sleeping problems because of it. I would lash out at my parents for small things. I wouldn't eat properly. I couldn't remember things as quickly as I used to. I was a mess inside my head. 

When I started to take medication and felt it working, it was such a great feeling. I was finally feeling normal. And once when I thought I was in a good place, I thought I could get off the medication. I thought wrong. My psychiatrist lowered my dosage, but I relapsed and I had to go back to the higher dosage. For a while, as in the 4 years I've been taking it, I just kept the same dosage prescribed to me. Then one day, towards the end of last year, I felt that I was really in a good spot to lower the dosage and be off soon because I was really doing well mentally during good and bad days. However, that didn't go as planned. I was able to get a lower dosage, but wasn't ready to be off of it. Once the new year came, everything went downhill for me. I got my heart broken and was depressed for the longest time. Then I was fighting an uphill battle between people who weren't supporting me. I've hit rock bottom at that point, but I was able to find things to distract me from all of it. I even went back to talking to a counselor. I became strong enough to move on. I've let go of the things that were hurting me and I am finding techniques that work for me. I also have people in my life who are truly there for me, and I'm thankful every single day for them. Before my last session with my psychiatrist, I knew that I was ready to get off the medication. I am now taking back control of my own life. In my recent session, I was given the okay to finally stop the medication, but slowly of course. I'm ready to continue this journey for a better me. So to the people who have destroyed me, mentally and emotionally: screw you. You are done.

Sorry I'm Late.

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope it's going well so far. This is the first blog post of 2016 and I would like to start off strong. I would usually do a recap of the prior year, but it just didn't feel right, because I personally feel that 2015 was full of negativity. Not a lot of wonderful things happened either. So, there was no need for that. I am keeping a positive mindset and hopefully my mind will stay positive for the majority of the year. As a human, I will not be positive all the time, but I can try my best. Positivity is always a new years resolution of mine and that is all I need. It is definitely a goal that I will not give up on. I really hope that this year will be one of the best yet. I want it to be and I will make it possible. I just have to remind myself of some of the good things that I haven't encountered before. Maybe I'll change a little bit of something in my life. I'm not sure. I want to try out doing something different like vlogging more. I honestly don't feel comfortable talking to a camera, even though it may not seem like that. It's just something I don't really share anyway and maybe I should be more out there. I should try to be more like an extrovert and push myself. I tend to play things safe and the outcome can go both ways. Let's just hope this year will be a good year for me.

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2014 Recap.

Hello everyone! I am only a day late for posting this. I'd like to do a quick, small recap post about 2014. A lot of things happened to me in 2014, good things, but then there were some bad things. I can tell you that the majority of them were good. Firstly, Fall Out Boy and Paramore announced Monumentour and I got to see them perform. The next thing was that Panic! At The Disco announced The Gospel Tour and I got to see them as well. I have waited about 9 years to see my top favorite bands and the wait was worth it. And then, my obsession of 5 Seconds of Summer grew and I got to see them in person by doing something that I have never thought of doing. I got to travel to Florida and go to Universal Studios in Orlando in the summer. It was really fun. There were times that I got negative minded due to personal reasons, things that annoyed me, and stress from school. That sort of broke my resolution. So for the new year, I am going to make it up and try to think positive a lot more. Well, that pretty much sums up my 2014! I hope 2015 will be so much better. 

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Just a Little Late.

While everyone has announced their New Years resolutions already, I just thought of mine. I would like to first start off by saying that this year will be a good year. And by making it a good year, I will keep a positive mindset. Thinking positive was last year's resolution, but towards the middle of the year, I've failed. This year, I am going to make sure that I'm going to stick to it. With positive thinking, there are positive outcomes. The next resolution is, starting fresh and new and becoming a little more confident. The other day, I've decided to delete my useless, unnecessary tweets and Instagram photos. And it felt good. Getting rid of my negative tweets and dumb photos made me feel happier and a weight sort of lifted off my shoulders. It's kind of like therapy if you think about it. And also from yesterday's post, I've tried branching out by uploading a YouTube video. So, no more insecurities. I'm going to feel good about myself no matter what. To sum this post up, I will be more happy, and less of a buzzkill. That is my New Years resolution.

Pretend I am making a toast to the new year with this Starbucks cup.

Cheers to the new year! 2014, do not disappoint me.

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