Sunday, December 27, 2015

Flustered.


My mind has been all over the place that I can't seem to remember that this blog exists. I've been writing in my journal, which I have invested for venting out my emotions and feelings, when I find the time to. It keeps me sane and together, which I honestly would've never thought it would, but it does when no one has the time to listen. I know that this may seem like it would be a good idea for me to go to a psychiatrist or a psychologist to see what's going on in my head, but I don't think I have the need to since it comes and goes. For a time, I thought that I would need it, but a friend made me see a different side to how I was feeling. Everything leads down to school, of course. Now that the semester is over, my anxiety continues to take over. I'm actually trying really hard to think positive. After all, positive thoughts bring better outcomes. Just the other day, I ended up crying out of nowhere, because I was just worried. I even almost cried at a family friend's party. Both of my parents try to make me feel better by keeping their minds positive and believing in me, which keeps me a little calm. It's definitely hard. I had a bad dream about receiving a grade in one class that I woke up in panic. It could be from worrying way too much about it. It hasn't been the best semester and I wish it was a good semester. I just have to believe in myself as much as my parents believe in me. My insecurities and paranoia may get in the way though. I just have to try to block it. I was just thinking that, this year isn't really my year. 2015 did not go as well as I thought it would go from the beginning. So, let's just hope 2016 and the next semester will go very well and the key is to believe... OH MY GOSH. I've just realized that this was a sign from when I did an escape room with my friends. One of the clues was spelling out "believe." Mind blown! I'm actually really tired right now and probably delirious since it's 2 something in the morning and I have to be up in about a little less than 6 hours. There has been many signs appearing in front of me lately, and I am going to take my chances and follow them, because that may lead me to where I want to be. Wow, I am getting deep. Anyway, until the next time I remember or have something to blog about, type you later. Hopefully, I will get my life together soon.




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