I'm an Adult?

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So, I'm considered an adult. What is the real definition of an adult? I don't feel like an adult. What makes me an adult? I'm still trying to figure things out. I'm trying to figure out life itself. I can't even get my life together, but if I did, I wouldn't be human. After weeks of relaxing after a whole year of being a student and taking classes, I finally got to relax. I have to admit, it felt weird when I was finally free from work. I then got used to being able to be carefree a bit. I then woke up to reality and I realized that I needed to find a job and internships to earn experience and some money while I finish my last year as an undergraduate. It's crazy how I'm almost done with school. I began my job and internship search this week and I also created a new cover letter. I just hope I'm good enough. To be honest, everything scares me and I just think of the worst for myself and of myself. I always feel pressured because I have the mind of a perfectionist. It actually sucks having that mind set sometimes, but hey, that's just who I am. I am now in my twenties and I would like to do a million things, but I'm afraid that I won't get to anytime soon. There are people my age who are fortunate enough to do those things that they've dreamt of now. I'm just waiting for my time to do those things. My mom has always told me to not think too much far ahead in life, because I am creating scenarios and I might end up disappointed in the end, which has happened before. I just need to find a way to only think of the present, be aware of the present, and keep my expectations leveled. The only way that I can do that is distract myself, like how I did during the recent spring semester. I actually surprised myself and was beyond happy. I'm usually... just content. As a reminder to myself, I should distract myself with only things happening in front of me, don't expect too much, and think positively, even when everything goes wrong or it's just not my day. I'm not a kid, but not an adult. I'm going to have times where it's okay to be a kid, and times where I have to be an adult, or the society's definition of an adult.

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Thinking... Just Thinking.

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Hello! I've been thinking a lot lately. Just thinking about my future. Yeah, I know. I'm still young and I have a lot of things ahead of me, but I just want to be ready when I get to a specific point in my life. For one thing, school and a career. For the past two days, all I have been doing on the internet was searching up more information about my career path. Also, I've been thinking of what I should do after graduating as an undergraduate. There are a bunch of things to look for. Of course I want to go beyond what my career offers, but yet I want to take a small break before heading into graduate school. For a while, I've always wanted to move out of the east coast and live in the west coast. I've experienced living in the suburbs and living in the city, but I got tired of the suburban area that I lived in and I'm just tired of the rush of living in New York City. Although I am born and raised in New York City, I feel like I don't really belong. I am way too calm for this city. I want to live a chill lifestyle. From my assumption, I feel like California offers that. I want to live in the Los Angeles city area and see what it's like. It's a city and it seems calm at the same time, if that made any sense at all. I still want to be in a city, but live in a more relaxed environment. Maybe someday I'll move there, but I have to make a visit first and see what it's like knowing that I've never been there before. For now, I should just think about my present and worry about my future later. I still have some time left to think about this. So, I'm just going to continue with my life as it is.

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