Friday, October 28, 2016

I Don't Know What To Do Anymore.

For a while, I 've been having trouble finding an internship. The process is nervewrecking, to be honest. I'm just starting to think that I'm not good enough for anything.  It totally sucks. I chose to be in one of the most competitive careers out there. Why? I'm not quite sure. I mean, I like the aspect of the career, but I have not yet landed an internship. That makes me feel worse about myself and I'm self-conscious about my grades. Maybe that's why, but I'm constantly told that grades don't really matter. On the other hand, it seems like it does because those who have better grades end up with the position. I can't really explain what goes on with my head. How I often lose motivation, and how I often lose focus because I'm worried about something else. I can't really explain that. There's no option for that when I'm applying, because it's not severe. Although my resume could say I'm not doing enough, I can't add that my grades are like this because of that. It's just not in the nature of a formal resume. You can't add a personal problem. Sometimes, like right now, I feel like I've made the wrong choice. I feel like maybe I've chose the wrong career path. It's like it's not right for me, but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm almost done. I'm almost getting my degree. So, why should I give up? I shouldn't. I put way too much pressure on myself and as a result, it gets worse for me. Maybe I should just stop thinking, but it's hard for me, because I'm constantly worrying. I have to remind myself that if I stop worrying so much and do what I did last semester, the outcome would be so much better for me. I just have to be strong about it.

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