I'm an Adult?

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So, I'm considered an adult. What is the real definition of an adult? I don't feel like an adult. What makes me an adult? I'm still trying to figure things out. I'm trying to figure out life itself. I can't even get my life together, but if I did, I wouldn't be human. After weeks of relaxing after a whole year of being a student and taking classes, I finally got to relax. I have to admit, it felt weird when I was finally free from work. I then got used to being able to be carefree a bit. I then woke up to reality and I realized that I needed to find a job and internships to earn experience and some money while I finish my last year as an undergraduate. It's crazy how I'm almost done with school. I began my job and internship search this week and I also created a new cover letter. I just hope I'm good enough. To be honest, everything scares me and I just think of the worst for myself and of myself. I always feel pressured because I have the mind of a perfectionist. It actually sucks having that mind set sometimes, but hey, that's just who I am. I am now in my twenties and I would like to do a million things, but I'm afraid that I won't get to anytime soon. There are people my age who are fortunate enough to do those things that they've dreamt of now. I'm just waiting for my time to do those things. My mom has always told me to not think too much far ahead in life, because I am creating scenarios and I might end up disappointed in the end, which has happened before. I just need to find a way to only think of the present, be aware of the present, and keep my expectations leveled. The only way that I can do that is distract myself, like how I did during the recent spring semester. I actually surprised myself and was beyond happy. I'm usually... just content. As a reminder to myself, I should distract myself with only things happening in front of me, don't expect too much, and think positively, even when everything goes wrong or it's just not my day. I'm not a kid, but not an adult. I'm going to have times where it's okay to be a kid, and times where I have to be an adult, or the society's definition of an adult.

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Unbalanced Moods.

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Hi there. So, as a woman, my moods fluctuate quite a lot. I've been feeling angry, happy, and sad within a certain period of time. Just last week, I had a stage of depression and I just was miserable. On Sunday and Monday, I felt useless and very anxious that I was crying while I was studying for an exam. And now, I feel content, still anxious, but content. This morning, I snapped at someone because I was just getting annoyed and I'm assuming that said person thought I would let them push me around. I'm human and I have my limitations. I usually let things go, but it was reaching up to a point that I had to literally give them the finger and curse. Yeah, I did that today. I might have surprised people, but hey, I can't hold back forever. Another person knew that I was stressing out and I wasn't in the mood, after all, I had two exams today and they knew about it. The thing that ticked me off was that said person wanted me to tell them what was on the exam that I was able to take early. I obviously couldn't, because it would not be fair for anyone. That said person knows that I'm too nice (which has its pros and cons) and they thought that I would cave in easily. I'm sorry, but how would that benefit me? I wouldn't feel good about it from beginning to the end. I honestly would be happy if this person stops talking to me. They are a distraction to my studies. Plus, I don't really like them. Moving on, other than getting annoyed and building up anger, I'm okay now. For a few days, I was feeling sadness, and then I was feeling happiness. I'm trying to figure out why this happens, but it's totally normal because I've actually spoke about it with my mom and friend and they sometimes feel the same things. It could just be hormones too. So, these moods are just female things I guess.

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