I feel like my life has not been consistent in a way that my brain does not process things very well, meaning, it takes a little time for me to realize that I need to pay close attention to what I'm doing. My mind often dozes off because I'm either feeling so isolated from everything, or I'm worrying about a million things all at once. I've tried different was to exercise my brain to stay focused and to stay present, but it is only temporary. My mind has been drawing a blank for a long time, but I feel like it has gotten worse. Today, I went to my professor to pick up a copy of an assignment and when she would ask a question, I wasn't able to explain my answer. I was listening to her as she went through the assignment, but it was not sticking to my head. This happens way too often and it terrifies me for the future. I also find myself being way more sensitive than I was before. I get very irritable that I am a pain in the ass. I get very sad that I will burst into tears right way. I get so worried that my heart rate increases and I begin to have anxiety attacks. I can tell you that it sucks. My parents are against the idea about taking medication for any mental health issues. So, I try my best to find alternative ways to help myself, but it doesn't last very long. The more I experience this, the more I feel like I need medication to stabilize everything. I know that it's my choice and I'm an adult, but it doesn't feel right to go against what my parents want for me. They want me to cope with everything naturally, but they don't realize that it's actually worsening. I'm planning on speaking to my mom once more about it and try to speak to my dad (who I am afraid to talk to about more) this weekend before I make my next appointment with my psychologist to refer me to a psychiatrist who can help me in that area. I don't think I can go on with my life any further like this, because everything is starting to terrify me.
